And Some Pictures!

This summer, Alina and I spent a week in Chicago so she could attend Girls Rock! Chicago, a day camp for girls who want to be in a rock and roll band. They heard concerts every day, had three to four hours of practice, workshops on how to print t-shirts, promote their bands, music and social change, and at the end of the week got to perform and The Metro (a famous Chicago venue for live music) and record their original song at a professional recording studio. It was a really amazing experience for her and we had a really good week together hanging out in Chicago. Here she is with her band, Coronation Road (Alina has the black guitar with the pink and black strap). We've been waiting since July for the camp pictures to be put online and they just showed up today. There are lots more at the Girls Rock! Chicago flickr page if you're interested.

The Video Vault

Hello Family. I'm not feeling a lot of inspiration at the moment to write anything but I thought I would share a couple videos with you that the Holst / Blizzard side of the family may not have seen. The first is a short video collage I made of a family vacation we took in 2004 BK (before kids). The second is a video of my stepdaughter Alina playing a song that Michael's band mate, Sharon, taught her.

Held...

Webster's dictionary defines this word that has come to my mind quite often the past year in the following way:

Held: to have or kept in the hand, to bear, sustain or support with or as if with the hands or arms; to conduct or carry on; to keep in the mind, believe: held certain beliefs, to maintain a grasp, remain fast...etc

This past year has been one of the most significant, wonderful, frightening, difficult, frustrating, and amazing years in my life to date.

My husband, Peter and I found ourselves in the midst of many "firsts" all at once.  Most of which included our baby girl, Clara being born three days into Peter's first year of law school.  We have experienced blessings this year too numerous to list and although I know it has not been nearly as difficult as it could be it was still arduous.  Hard on our family, our marriage, on my sense of self.

As I feel so stretched sometimes- in discovering my new role as a mama, as well as balancing my job and being there for my husband the best I can through this law school experience, and struggling to make ends meet financially; I simultaneously feel a tremendous sense of peace.  I simply feel held.

There are many reasons for this, most of which include an incredible family support system we are so blessed with.  It seems that almost every time my hope seems to falter and I spin my wheels of worry, there is a friend or family member who does something to remind us that we are just that.  Held.  We have been reminded that even though our family faces great unknown and challenge, we are held by family.  Held by the Holy One.  I suppose this is how I see God these days, when he/she seems to remain otherwise silent.

I read somewhere once that, "Change is birth of newness.  it is painful, but can be holy and refining if we experience it and let it teach and guide us, let it into our very selves."  I am clumsily grasping to do just that.

Lately, as I hold my own daughter the way my mother held me, and still does in different ways- I am frightened for Clara's future, for her world.  I hope for change with a lump in my throat. I hear about the economy which is crashing down around us, about war, genocide, about outsourcing and joblessness, about my country who turns their nose at a senator who wants a meager $1000 tax cut for families who make less than $200K/year but in the same breath begs us to approve a 7Billion dollar bailout for Wallstreet which would cost those same Americans $10K per family, about how half of my own paycheck goes toward mediocre health insurance for our family.  

I am frightened, but still have hope.  As the election draws near we find ourselves in our own family hoping for a country who will elect a person we can look up too, who can bring Americans together again and make our nation "held." I want Clara to have her start in life in a country who's president feels strongly about community, and building peace through relationships.  I want Clara to be able to read this someday and feel grateful for our nation's ability to have come out of a recession, end war time and have renewable energy sources be part of everyday living.  

My highest hope for my daughter is for her to feel held.  By her family and her world.  I want her to read this someday and know not only how much her life has shaped who I am, but that no matter how painful change in life and in the world can be she feels held in her life's journey.  I am thankful we get to travel the road as a family.

Here's to a better world and a new era for our little ones.

Elizabeth Linder (Peter's wife)

Police Ride Along

Hello All,

As most of you know I am currently in law school, and am seriously considering specializing in criminal defense. At present I am in a clinic where I represent the accused. I just settled my first case this Friday, which was both exciting and empowering. The following post is quite long, and I don't expect that most of you will read the whole thing, but it is the first draft of an observation report that I am required to do as part of my criminal defense clinic. It details not only the experience I had riding with a police officer during his midnight shift, but also some general thoughts about criminal defense work, and why I am drawn to it. Please feel free to comment.

Ride Along Observation Report

Being a defense attorney requires a view towards humanity that sees people not as simply falling into either one of two categories; criminal or non-criminal, but rather having an understanding that life is unexplainably complex, and society is best served by standing up for those who have made poor choices, helping them take a realistic look at their behavior, determining an appropriate sanction for their culpable actions, and in a perfect world, assisting the individual in heading down a path that leads towards redemption, rather than persecution (and subsequent prosecution.) Because one of a defense attorney’s primary goals is getting his client out of jail as soon as possible, and striving for either a not-guilty verdict, or a just plea agreement, this world view is necessary. A police officer on the other hand has the difficult task of answering not to the needs of the detained individual, but rather to the community that wants retribution, his colleagues who take pleasure out of mocking people’s stupidity, and his superiors who expect the case to stick. If there is one motto at the Longmont police department it is this; CYA, “cover your ass.” Riding along with officer Pollock of the Longmont Police Department gave me incredible insight into the duties, struggles, and strategies of at least one officer set with the daily task of keeping the streets safe, and cracking down on the drug, prostitution and gang problems that the city faces.
Pollock’s first impression of me, and perhaps his last, was skeptical. As an individual in my eighth year of post high school education, there were several assumptions that Pollock maintained:
“You smoke weed man.”
“No.”
“Not even a little, c’mon.”
I laughed uncomfortably. “Nah, not even a little.”
As a trained investigator, Pollock was good at being my buddy, and made me feel both comfortable and at ease. I’m sure that lots of individuals he asks this question to have no problem admitting to getting high every now and again. No big deal, right. I have no idea how Pollock would have responded if I told him that I get high on occasion, nor do I want to know.
I did ask him however what the drug testing policy was at the department. They are subject to drug testing, although in practice it only happens after an accident involving an officer. If they have any alcohol or drugs in their system then good bye workers comp. Apparently medical marijuana has thrown a wrench into the works, so to speak. Because of HIPPA laws, it is conceivable that an officer might legally be entitled to smoke pot on occasion without alerting his superiors (obviously not while on duty.) However, Pollock maintained that this is not likely the case due to the fact that in order to obtain a medical marijuana card you have to show some disability, which would likely preclude an officer from passing their physical exam. The real problem, he told me, is when they find somebody with plants in their house. The department policy is to destroy them, however, an individual with a medical marijuana card is allowed to grow a set number. The primary issue is one of proof: does the homeowner have a legitimate card? If not, but they claim to, is the officer putting himself at risk by destroying the plants when they are potentially legal? CYA in this instance means erring on the side of caution and assuming the role of caretaker rather than destroyer.
The next assumption was, predictably, politics:
“You watch the debates?” he asked me.
“Yea.”
“Well, who do you think won?”
“Hmm….It’s hard to say I guess. I felt like Obama was more articulate, and was better able to address the questions and give specific examples of solutions to problems.”
“A couple of guys on the force that I talked to thought McCain was better. Who are you voting for?”
“Probably Obama” (the probably stemmed from an awkwardness arising out of this reprehensible quality of mine where I care way too much about what other people think about me.)
“They probably make you say that though, don’t they?”
“No. Obama is a really intelligent guy. He graduated from Harvard Law, and was president of the Law review”
“McCain flew a jet. You have to be smart to do that.”
There is certainly truth to that. Pollock had countless number of controls at his disposal, and was continuously entering information into his computer while driving (and also chatting via computer with other officers.) Pollock had also spent several years “in the desert” before he came to the force, and I’m sure that he operated some heavy machinery there as well. While this capacity isn’t my gauge of ones’ intelligence, it certainly can be another’s, and that is where our conversation on politics ended.
Pollock’s beat was in my neighborhood, which he informed me was shit. Truth be told, the bulk of the action that we saw occurred within a five block radius of my home. At about two in the morning we got a call from dispatch saying that there was a loud verbal dispute in my neck of the woods, and responded immediately. Pollock didn’t like dealing with domestic disputes, he preferred to focus on areas where there was known drug dealing. In fact he seemed quite annoyed whenever dispatch would call, often complaining that the location was outside of his beat, or that the dispute would be over by the time we got there, and finally that it would ultimately result in a drug dealer or user getting out of his sights and getting away. Pollock had what he called his “pet project” behind a used car lot, adjacent to both storage units and a trailer park. We drove through this area at least five times during the shift, locating a potential drug dealer there at least once. As we were waiting across the street for the suspected dealer to drive away we were dispatched to a complaint of kids across town playing kick ball and keeping the neighbors up. Understandably, Pollock was upset.
When we arrived at the domestic dispute we could hear a woman yelling at the top of her lungs at a man. She sounded drunk at least. We parked a block away and approached without flashlights. When we were within her sights she immediately got quiet and casually walked off of her front porch and into her house. Pollock turned his flashlight on and shone it into the alley behind the house. She was running. He gave her chase, and I jogged slightly behind wondering what the appropriate thing to do in this situation was. Within a matter of seconds she stopped and put her hands above her head, and officer Pollock was questioning her. Why were you running? Was there any physical contact? Have you been arrested for domestic violence before? Do you have any drugs or weapons on you? And more of the same. After a short while Pollock remembered this individual: “you’re ‘Peppe’ right?” She was. Furthermore, officer Pollock had arrested her several years ago for possession of 1.2 grams of either meth or coke. We never did get that straight. She got a two year bid, and had just gotten out in January of this year. She didn’t forget officer Pollock either.
“You put me away for two years for less than a fucking gram man. Two fucking years.”
Throughout the morning she kept reminding Pollock that he had put her away for two years for less than a gram. I asked her how 1.2 grams is less than a gram, and she shook her head at me, as if I just didn’t get it. Pollock explained the reasoning for the sentence. Apparently Peppe used to be a good informant back in the 1980’s. When she was arrested a few years ago she gave the police a lot of information on this guy Donald in order to mitigate her situation. The swat force had gotten all dressed up and ready for a big bust, only to find out that Donald was in detox. The detectives were so pissed that they asked Pollock to charge her with everything conceivable. He did, and she paid the price. Lesson: keep your mouth shut and lawyer up.
Pollock asked Peppe if she had any warrants out for her arrest, and she responded that she wasn’t aware of any. Pollock made a call, and sure enough she had a warrant. She thought it had to do with restitution, but that didn’t make much sense if her former charge had to do with drugs. All we knew was that the warrant had to do with failing to meet some requirement of the court, and that she had to come with us to the station. Pollock asked her again if she had any drugs. Her mantra then became: “I am so fucking clean it is UNREAL.” Over and over and over again.
Back at the police station Pollock filled out all the necessary paperwork, which was considerable. Peppe’s warrant was for a felony, so her bond was set at $10,000. There was an extended conversation about whether it was a felony misdemeanor or misdemeanor felony, neither of which exist, but which Peppe was convinced would somehow lessen the bond amount. Pollock was quite amused, and made sure to share the story with his colleagues. He was not amused, however, at the amount of paperwork that even a relatively minor incident such as this entailed. There was the requisite narrative that had to describe the entire event in detail, as well as entering loads of information into several databases. All told there were at least three reports that had to go out; one for the jail, one for the DA, and one for his superiors. Pollock found this to be somewhat burdensome and absurd. Although Pollock could have charged Peppe for obstruction of justice because she ran from us he did not choose to do so. The paperwork would have been the same, but he simply made a judgment call, which seemed in my mind to be the right one.
The other act of kindness was letting an underage kid that had obviously been drinking and driving off the hook (relatively). At four in the morning we were called to the park that my wife and I take our daughter to at least once a week to play on the swings and with other neighborhood kids her age. Somebody had driven their car into the river that runs through the park. Nobody was hurt, but the car was at a 45 degree angle, partially submerged, and not going anywhere. There were tracks throughout the park, indicating that the driver was going for ride, and must not have been too familiar with that fact that there was a river running through the park. He told the other officer on the scene that he was driving fast through the neighborhood and lost control. After performing well on a field sobriety test he was arrested and taken to the precinct.
The individual that Pollock dealt with was the arestee’s friend who drove his parents heavy duty truck to the scene in an attempt to pull his friends car out of the river (with a light duty rope no less). Fortunately for him the police showed up before he could attempt to pull the car out of the river. The rigging was in place, and the truck was on the grass. Throughout the shift Pollock had been telling me about random arrests he had made, and some of the stupider behaviors he had observed. At the scene Pollock whispered to me, remember that kid that I told you I arrested in the park for selling weed; that’s him. Pollock obtained consent to search the truck, and there was nothing inside. He could smell alcohol on the kid’s breath, and got him to admit to having a couple beers earlier in the evening. Because this kid was only 19, he could have arrested him then and there for a DUI. However, because he was helping a friend out (even though the more responsible thing to do was call the police), he let the kid call his parents to come pick up the truck. The other officer on the scene wrote a ticket for curfew violation in the park, and after the kid’s parents arrived he was able to go home.
A large amount of discretion comes with being a police officer, and it is through this discretion that a majority of moral dilemmas are encountered. Were I in Pollock’s situation, I think I too would have let the Good Samaritan friend go. However, he had a bruise on his forehead, which he alleged was from a different incident, but surely could have been an indication that he was driving with his friend, and after exiting the crashed vehicle ran home to get his parent’s truck to remedy the situation. After locating a known prostitute enter into a vehicle and engaging in pursuit, we were faced with the decision of whether or not to pull the car over. We hadn’t seen any solicitation, so we were looking for the driver to do something wrong. Pollock cursed the fact that the driver wasn’t changing lanes. He told me that the easiest way to pull someone over was if they didn’t signal for 100 yards before making a turn. After following this car for at least a mile the driver signaled and changed lanes. Everything seemed kosher to me, but Pollock turned to me and said “that wasn’t 100 yards was it?” I gave him a skeptical look and we turned around. At other times in the evening we waited near a parking lot outside of the local bars. Whenever somebody would leave we would follow them for a while waiting for them to make a mistake. Pollock asked if I had a problem with this practice, and I told him as long as somebody made an actual traffic violation, and any subsequent search of their car was either consensual or limited to an area where a weapon might be hidden I thought it was okay. He told me that some people thought it was entrapment, and also that more times than not he would find drugs during these stops. Another point in the evening we were dispatched to a young man who called the police because a woman was chasing him down the street. The officers had a field day with this. “Man up,” “are you kidding me,” “you know he committed a crime, and she responded to that.” Pollock told me when he started the job he was way more of an idealist. Now he had come to the conclusion that victims are hardly ever innocent. One officer told me he was glad that us defense attorneys had an opportunity to see the criminals as they actually were, not the way they appeared before a judge. We located the individual with the complaint but didn’t do any follow up.
Although police officers wield a hefty amount of power, I do not envy their position. Would Pollock have pulled over the alleged prostitute, knowing the high probability of finding drugs in the vehicle, if I weren’t there to question the validity of the stop? Would a defense attorney have been able to suppress anything found during the search as fruit from the poisonous tree? Would the driver have been able to obtain a competent attorney willing to advance such a theory? Would the officer change his testimony to cover his ass if such a suppression hearing took place? I do not want to pass judgment on Pollock, and cannot say for certain how he would have responded to different events had I not been there. I do know that he took the job with an eye for keeping the public safe. The disdain that he carries for certain judges that “may as well be defense attorneys” seems somewhat more understandable to me now than it did before. My responsibility, however, is a different one than Pollock’s. With great power comes the potential for abuse. My job is to make sure that power is not abused, and that everybody is granted the rights vested by our constitution. In this sense I too am keeping the public safe, albeit in a different context.

Morning

We've had a Sunday evening class at church this month based on the NPR "This I Believe" program. If you're not familiar with it, check out their website: http://www.thisibelieve.com/ It's an 'international project engaging people in writing, sharing, and discussing the core values that guide their daily lives. These are short statements of belief, written by people from all walks of life." It's an interesting format to work with given what we're trying to do as a family. I'm working on a couple of them. Here's one....

I love mornings. It’s not just the quality of the light as I sit on the deck and watch the shades of grey in the garden start to glow with infused colors observable only at the start of the day. It’s not just the peace that fills me as I sip my coffee, listen to the birds and watch the squirrels do their acrobatics on the high wires. It’s the energy I feel in the morning. The sense of possibilities. Even when I go to bed so exhausted I can hardly climb the stairs, I awaken in the morning and my body is ready to stretch, to move, to have the adrenalin rush that comes from my daily swim. How wonderful it is to get a hope-filled morning every twenty four hours--a new day, a fresh start.

There’s an 8th grade boy from Mexico at the middle school where I work named José. Last year I matched him up with a mentor who was concerned that José seemed very immature, would cry easily and have outbursts of temper. When I spoke to José about Daniel becoming his mentor I had a hard time explaining the concept of a mentor to him in English, and he nearly refused the opportunity because of my inability to communicate. José and Daniel stopped by my office this week. José wanted to see if I could get a mentor for his brother. “He needs to have someone to speak English with,” he explained. I was stunned by the change in both his demeanor and in his English. “José, your English is so good!” I exclaimed. He looked at me with a huge grin, stood an inch taller and said, “I know.” In Mexico José was the brightest and best student in his class. When he came to the US his inability to understand or be understood led to explosiveness, frustration and the school persona of a 'difficult child'. But he worked at learning English, he had a teacher and a mentor who believed in him and now he’s confident, happy, and seeking to help his brother. It’s a new school year for José. A fresh start. A morning of sorts.

Last night I watched the Presidential debates and listened as both candidates spoke of their plans for troop build-up (in different countries) as a solution to international problems. On this day I feel a desperate need for a new morning; for our country, for its leadership, its people. For that surge of hope that comes to me as the sky gets light—hope that the American people really are better than the last seven years; hope that there is a solution other than war to greed, poverty, and fear; hope that we can elect leaders who can build bridges rather than bombs. We need a new morning. A fresh start.

I believe in mornings. For myself, for our children, for our country, for our world.

And, I might add, for our family!
Barbara

Quality Time - meaningful questions/answers

I have just returned from a rehersal dinner for Jen's first cousin's wedding. I was also able to spend a morning golfing with my brother Eric on a BEAUTIFUL Minnesota September day (85 degrees)! As we sat and ate lunch with Eric, my wife (Jen) frankly asked Eric - "how are you, Nikki and the kids doing?" By her asking this, I knew that she was asking sincerely, "How is life, how is marriage, how is it being a full-time masters degree student with 2 kids?" I find myself all too often asking this question expecting a "Things are going well" statement. But am I really prepared for someone to say "life is really difficult right now, my marriage sucks, I just got laid off from work, I am almost bankrupt, my kids are driving me crazy, I have an addiction to...., etc. etc.
How may of us would really like to answer this question honestly to whomever asks it? How many of us would take the time to ask the question willing to visit long enough about an honest answer? How many of us would be vulnerable enough to say what is REALLY on our minds?

I know I don't personally take enough time to have these conversations even with my own wife! I'm the typical male in some cases - don't take/make the time to discuss meaningful subjects/things. Maybe this blog will encourage me to dive deeper into meaningful conversations that cover insightful topics of life.

Eric - thanks for being a guy that is willing/able to lay it out there for people to know who you are. You thinking and ability to put things in words is awesome!

Good night and God Bless -
Andy Holst

Lovin' It - Not McDonalds slogan either

As I sit here at Jen's parents house in St. Paul getting ready to meet Eric for a round of golf on a beautiful Friday AM, I am amazed and touched by the creation of this blog. I am a "dabbler" in the internet communication world. I just created Facebook account this summer and started texting on my cell phone. I haven't stepped up to the Blackberry or Iphone, and this is my FIRST EVER "blog" post. I don't have much time right now to type my feelings, but I am encouraged by the challenges Eric and Mary have thrown out to be authentic and real with their feelings and posts. How do we ever get to know each other if we aren't REAL. Who is Andy, why do I do the things I do, BELIEVE the things I believe, say the things I say, hang out with the people I chill with, give money to the people/groups I give to.....

Sometimes we as people DON'T even know the answers to these questions. We don't CHALLENGE ourselves near enough in today's society. It is just a "go through life" mentality and all the sudden life is DONE!

I'm will be pondering my next post as I swing my golf clubs (hopefully not too much) this morning. Enjoy your day, your morning as you are not gauranteed another one!

Andy Holst

PS - picture is of Jen and I in northern Wisconsin (Egg Harbor) early Sept.

Busy Bill?!?

Does this say anything?!?!?  I had to follow up the last couple of posts with a post of my own.  We have the guy who has put nearly 10,000 miles on his Harley over the summer barking at the rest of the crew about him being SO busy, yet posting time and time again!  Here I sit with a stack of books nearly as high as my chair, still stinking from my marathon training run, and hearing my chatting kids in their bed.  Did I mention the GRE flashcards that are in my bag, the full time job, and the doctoral applications that are lurking in the wings.  Oh yeah and those coffee orders that need to be roasted.  I am not that busy though!  Trust me, I am not looking for anyone's sympathy because I have stepped up to the buffet of life and overloaded my own plate.  I just have to laugh at the empty nester who is counting down the days to his next vacation (12 days) and throwing barbs about being busy.  Sorry dad, I couldn't let this meatball just slide on past the plate!!

Incidences in my life over the past few years seem to all be fitting together in a timely fashion, including this blog.  As I was sitting in Religious Pluralism class today my professor spoke endearingly of the university where he did his doctoral work.  He mentioned that they were able, even encouraged, to share their own beliefs and challenge the beliefs of others.  The purpose was to force individuals to either solidify their beliefs, or change their beliefs because of the sound beliefs of another.  The great 19th century philosopher, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel posited that people are constantly in the process of thesis, antithesis, and synthesis.  What he meant was, we all have beliefs (thesis) that we use to live (worldview), but will inevitably encounter an opposing view (antithesis) and often modify our original belief (synthesis).  This process is not something that happens once in our lives and is over, but will continue until our death.  

I do not think that anything should really be "out of bounds."  The intent of this blog was to invest in each other's lives and truly attempt to understand our family at their core.  If we can't share our beliefs openly with our family than who can we share them with?  We are to love one another, period!  This does not mean that you have to LOVE my beliefs, but I hope you will love me in spite of disagreeing with my beliefs.  That is fine if you do not agree with everything that I do.  I do not want you to love a projected perception of me that is false.  We need to be authentic and organic with one another if we are going to truly reconcile with one another and truly embrace.  May we not be like the Griswold family turkey on Christmas Eve night, golden brown and perfect on the outside, but empty in the middle.  

I understand that this is not going to happen overnight and that some people are still testing the waters to see what is really going to happen on this sight.  That is great.  You do what you need to do and the rest of us will simply wait for you in your time.  Authentic personhood is not something that can be forced or coerced out of you.  Miroslav Volf, a renowned Yale professor, explains that for the second posture of a reconciliation embrace is one of open arms.  This posture is an opening of one's self to another in anticipation, but with the greatest degree of patience.  I cannot force you to embrace me, or it will not be true reconciliation.  In order for reconciliation to be worthwhile the embrace MUST be mutual.  I highly recommend reading any or all of his books.  ("Exclusion and Embrace: A Theology of Reconciliation" is the one that I am referencing.  

All of that to say, let's not hold back.  I want to know all of you, not just the portions you think I will like.  That is not the real and complete you.  

I learned something new today. 

If you write a blog and save it rather than posting it, when you DO get around to posting, it shows up in the order of when you saved it rather than as the newest posting. So, I have an addition and you can find it below my post on reforestation ('though I don't think it's me that Bill is encouraging to post to the blog - there are any number of folks we haven't heard from yet!)
AND I'll also add another picture from Argentina just because it's fun. (Cool house - no?!)
-Mary

Enjoy the ride

Com'on "family".....if we're going to have a blog....let's get some activity going......from an elder of the group that doesn't understand digital or oft times those that prefer to communicate in this fashion I'm a bit puzzled by the fact that I come ..... I check and don't very often find new material. Now come on people there can't be ANYONE out there that is nearly as busy as I am and yet here we go again another photo from the old man and a bit of graveling going on because I just want to "stay in touch".

Reforestation Matters

I've been trying to decide what to post for a blog and have chosen to write about one of the things that matters deeply to me - reforestation. Until I started working with some friends in Costa Rica who reforested their farm there, I had no idea what an important issue it was. Trees in the tropics absorb far more atmospheric carbon dioxide than the trees we have up here. But even more important is the preservation of species diversity. There's a world-wide crisis of species extinction that we hear almost nothing about and the best antidote is reforesting to create biological corridors.
So I've added the link that describes the work my friends are doing - go take a look if it's something that interests you. If you come visit me in Costa Rica I'll take you to Roberta and Dan's place and let her take you on a tour of the land they've restored to forest. It's enough to restore hope that we might be able to make a difference on this planet!

A few thoughts from Mary

Just so you'll know, I took this photo in front of a winery in Cafayate, province of Salta, last winter when Richard and I were visiting Katie. We were lucky enough to spend several days in that beautiful part of northwestern Argentina. The photo by "About Me" on the blog site is another one I took as we drove through a breath-taking arroyo to get to the Cafayate area. (Sorry about losing your photo, Eric - at the time I was playing around in that area I thought we would each be able to have a profile segment.)

I'm delighted by the activity on our family blog site ('though I also agree with Bill that I hope for more activity as I make my daily blog-check.) I want to echo Bill's thanks to Eric for setting this whole thing up. I'm also really grateful to Suzanne for putting the links on. It's been fun to peruse the various websites and see what various people are up to. (The videos on Lucas Linder's website are pretty funny - check out the August post "Me, Myself, and I")

I've been thinking about what to post; I've wanted to come up with something thoughtful, maybe reminiscent of the past, like Eric's wonderful post, "Olfactory Flashbacks!" Or I thought about putting together a posting about our need to view the future from the point of view of the newest members in our family. I realized there was no way I could do that without becoming political which then raised the issue of what kind of guidelines we would have for our family blog. Do we stay with safe subjects that won't raise any hackles? Do we say what's really on our hearts and minds, acknowledge the fears we have (my greatest fears these days revolve around global climate change and an increasingly insurmountable national debt.) Might we even examine our beliefs and how they inform the functioning of our lives?

One of the things I love about Richard is his willingness to talk about anything. In fact, he's fascinated by what motivates people to do the things they do, say the things they say. He is willing to examine his own assumptions and belief systems and to ask the question: does this serve me well? His openness, emotional availability, and willingness for self-examination are part of why our relationship has endured. These are qualities I not only admire, I seem to require them for any kind of in-depth relationship. A turning point in our relationship was when we both spent time with the question: What are three beliefs you've held in your life and have they served you well? It was the point at which I knew I could live with this man, not because of what his beliefs were, but because he was willing to thoughtfully examine his life and identify some of his core beliefs and, more importantly, because he then went on, over the next several months, to seriously consider whether those beliefs were serving him well at the stage of his life that he found himself.

I started this whole thing with an email in which I expressed my longing for reconciliation. That hasn't changed. But I know that I also long to be known and that the only way for that to happen is for me to get past my fears and speak honestly about those things that really matter to me. Transparency matters. Emotional honesty matters. It was what I loved about Suzanne's post "On Broken Bikes," her honest acknowledgment of the hard choices she sometimes faces in her marriage. So I guess that's what I hope for here - and with that I recognize that it's a scary process. But I also believe it's how we come to really know one another and how we find acceptance of each other. Because we may disagree on topics like how the nation should be run or what the role of the church is in contemporary culture, but we all share common struggles and we hold in common the hope that our children's lives will be better then our own. Maya Angelou's poem says it well: "We are more alike than unalike, my friend."

May I introduce Mr. Lincoln Daniel Holst

Say hello to one BEAUTIFUL young man.....proud gampa here !

Bill

I'm delighted to see the postings that have come so quickly to the "family site".....what a neat way to stay in touch. Just think I really have no idea "what's up" and yet here I go typing away.

Kendra thanks for taking the time to add to the notes.....hope this becomes a regular exchange for us all.......I too want to extend my appreciation to Eric for getting the process started.

Yet another burdensome day here at the radio station.....need to get back to what I do, HELP me what is that?

B

It's Been Awhile!

I suppose the best way to re-gain connections is to jump in, right?

I have not met some of you (namely, the Linder in-laws) but I've especialy enjoyed paroozing photos of you (especially the beautiful babies) from Kay's Memorial Weekend and other such pictures.

For those of you whom I have not met, I'm Kendra, Bill's step-daughter, part of the Holst clan. I just graduated from the University of Minnesota with my BFA in dance performance and recently relocated to Boston, MA. I've enjoyed reading everyone's blogs and checking out the links on the right.

I was traveling with a Minneapolis based Worship group called Global Worship Movement (www.globalworshipmovement.org) in Trinidad and Tobago during Kay's Memorial Weekend, and was very sad to miss it. Both Bill and my mom sharred some great pictures and stories from the time in the hills, and I loved the memory book that Barb made with Mary's poem and Bills photos.

I knew upon graduation that I was going to be moving to either Boston, NY, Philly or San Francisco to pursue a modern dance performance/teaching/choreographing career. After my signigicant other, Matt, was offered an excellent graduate/phD package for Music History from Harvard, we both decided that Boston was the winning city. (Our four year anniversary is coming up early Oct...but we are not rushing into a wedding anytime soon). I've been in Boston for almost a month now, and am really loving the newness of it all.

I was hired as the Site Manager/Lead Teacher with the Boston Ballet's Taking Steps Program, which is a community outreach program that sends free profesional dance instruction (modern, ballet, world forms, nutrition and history) into the inner city schools of Boston. Right now, there are only two sites, and I was hired to work with the Charlestown Middle School. It's very part time (twice a week) but I've loved getting to know the kids and teaching in the public school system. I am also going to start working with a company called lululemon (www.lululemon.com) in the Prudential Center, downtown Boston. They speicalize in activewear clothing and personal empowerment for it's clients. I love it because the company pays for my professional dance classes around the city to wear their clothes and talk with other dancers about the clothing line...that means free dance class for me, and I get benefits..every dancers dream! :)

I had a big audition yesterday for 25 companies in Boston, which may lead to some part time company or project based gigs, or it may not! Ah, the joys of being a performer. Eventually I want to get my masters in choreography so I can teach at the University level and have my own dance company, but that will come in the future.

My dance website is www.kendraheithoff.com, if you want to see some updated photos....it's my dance site, so it's not that exciting, but you can contact me if you want to hire me! ha. Just thought it would be fun to give you that.

I'll be checking the site to see some more posts from the rest of you. Kudos to all who got the site up and going. Great idea!

Love and Peace to all,

Kendra

Olfactory Flashbacks!

Do you ever have those moments when you are transported back in time by the slightest waft of a particular aroma?  This morning I was swept away to Paul and Sharon Forney's kitchen.  We had just spent a crisp morning trying to bring home some Canadian geese out at Fritz's land and were in need of some warmth and nourishment.  Sharon had whipped up a variety of sweet breads for all of us devour while gripping warm mugs of steaming java.  I was also on the back porch at Barb and Jim's, two years ago eating quiche (cause real men do it quiche) and enjoying some spiced breads for brunch.  The reality of it all was that I was in my own little two bedroom apartment here on the campus  of Bethel University, and just so happened to be drunk on the aroma of my zucchini loaves that were golden brown in the oven.  

I had the bread, and the coffee, but I didn't have the same company.  Although the setting was not even remotely close to the two I described above, it was wonderful.  It wasn't the bread or the recently roasted Ethiopian coffee in the French press; it was the memories of old.  The times that I have had that warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face.  This past week I was reading about the stark contrast between Americans future oriented mentality and Africans past oriented mentality and was somewhat saddened by the loss that can take place in a future oriented society.  We need to remember the past and where we have come from, and what we have experienced, so that our lives can be richer in the present.  It is not always about the "next" cup of coffee, or loaf of bread, but often about the last one.

Just some thoughts for you all to chew on.  (Pun intended!)

e

Family Links

Hello again. I added a family link section to the blog so you can see where else we are on the web. I started with a couple links that I knew of (I would recommend lucaslinder.com if you haven't been there yet). If you have links that you would like to add (more babies??), you can add them yourself from the settings page or send them to me and I will add them.

Suzanne

First time to a blog and am not sure what the process is.......Julie and I are in Ames and I hope to be able to contribute pics of the latest member of the Holst clan. Lincoln Daniel born 9/9....likely the most "content" little baby this grandpa has seen.....Lincoln makes number (5) gott love it.

Film at 11

Holst T-Shirts highlight of Linder/Schubert vacation

I'm looking forward to both the conversation and regularly updated family photos. I'm particularly eager to hear about/see the newest baby boy Holst. I heard a rumor that he was born on 9/9, though my memory was an October due date.

Thanks to Andy for creating the t-shirts from a design by Jonathan for Michael's band. A collaborative effort which was a highlight of our vacation together in June in Michigan. And in this photo you get to see all of us, though the babies have changed a lot in the intervening months.

Thanks, Eric, for getting this started. And Mary, for stirring the waters :) I look forward to the connections & discussions that ensue. Meanwhile, I'll leave it to Mary to guide us through the murkey waters of promoting openness/honesty/willingness to participate.

On Broken Bikes

Hello family.

The picture to the left is of my husband Jay, who only some of you have met, on a bike trip he took with a group of guy friends at the end of July. Jay was unofficially promoted last fall from a software tester to a manager of software testers and since then has been averaging 60 hours a week of work. These extra nights and weekends of work have taken their toll on our family both emotionally and increasingly physically. On the much anticipated bike trip pictured to the left, Jay's bike broke in half about five miles into a fifteen mile ride. It seemed like a horrible, freak accident but for awhile, at least, we thought Giant would honor the warranty on his frame and we would be able to fix the bike without spending too much money.

Yesterday, Jay was given the afternoon off of work in exchange for having worked until 1:30 AM the previous night. He decided to borrow my mountain bike and go for a ride. He packed the car, changed into his biking clothes, put the bike on the roof rack and started on his way when he realized that he had left his shoes at home. He returned to our house and pulled into the garage, remembering too late that the bike was still on top of the car. The result can be seen to the right. My bike, broken in exactly the same place as his. So now we have two broken mountain bikes, a broken roof rack, a dented car and a scratched garage.

Any time material things break, I remind myself of the Anne Lamott quotation, "If it is a problem that can be solved by throwing money at it, it isn't that much of a problem." But yesterday it did feel like a problem. It felt like, if Jay's work hadn't expected him to work 60 hours a week, he wouldn't be so stressed out that he would forget the bike was on top of the car or if they would just make his promotion official (along with the official pay bump we've been waiting for), replacing the bike frames wouldn't feel like such a major expense. Or if the bike shop had tried to advocate for us at all, we might get at least one frame replaced under warranty.

As the person who manages the money for our family, the prospect of deciding when we can spend money on bike parts is challenging. Jay trusts me to tell him when there is and isn't money but it's never as simple as that. He's the one who works 60 hours a week, I work 35, less if I can get away with it. He rarely spends money and so when he does want to buy something it is hard for me to say no. Not to mention the complicated mixture of guilt and anxiety I feel about my admittedly middle class concerns about spending money on bike parts when our economy is crashing down around us and so many people are choosing between groceries and the power bill.

I wish I had the essayists skill to pull a kernel of life wisdom from these reflections, but that truth is that this year has been full of these moments--our basement keeps flooding, we wrecked our new car within months of having purchased it, every time we schedule a camping trip it rains. It's been full of other moments as well--Grandma's memorial service, a week in Michigan with the Linder side of the family, seeing my stepdaughter, Alina, perform on stage at the Chicago Metro, moments of humor and grace in my classroom--we are healthy and happy more days then not.

In Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five, the Trafalmadorians encourage Earthlings to focus on the good moments and ignore the bad. I always tell my students that Vonnegut is describing the way we already live, not proscribing a better way of life. I strongly believe that we have to see the world for all its good and bad. But how to live in such a way that the bad moments, and their accompanying despair, don't eclipse the light?

Our Little Snowball?!?!

So here goes nothing! This is our attempt to engage one another in conversation, share personal reflections, and just plain old get into each others lives. We are a family that has been spread around North and South America and have consequently lost touch. This blog has been birthed out of a shared desire to reconnect with one another and openly share not only what is going on in our lives, but the questions we are wrestling with. The hope is that some or all of us will post not only thoughts, but also photos on this blog. We will all have access to the username and password, so feel free to chime in! I am really excited to see what happens on the blog and the depth we are able to gain via this technological advancement. Come one, come all, lets blog together!

emh